“You have never lead your family or business through a global pandemic before.”
I heard this in a message at church the other day and it really put my mind in a different perspective. These, indeed, are unprecedented times.
In fact, I have been having a tough time watching debates on Facebook unfold. It’s not to say people can’t disagree, but the way people have been disagreeing on my Facebook feed has been … well … uncivil. Doesn’t matter what it is or who it is that’s being debated – people are fighting unfair.
I have noticed people across the entire spectrum of celebrity have been so demonized and hated (or at least by my Facebook friends’ words – they are all I have to go by) for doing anything wrong. Profanity, guilt by association, unfiltered anger and condemnation, the desire for their professional life to be cancelled – it’s all there.
I have always loved the saying “love the sinner, hate the sin.” Even if you’re not a believer of Christ, you have to appreciate the sentiment.
The other day, I was driving somewhere and someone didn’t use their turn blinker (pet peeve) – I was so angry. I wanted to chew them out. Really give it to them about how inconsiderate they were being, you know the whole deal. And then I realized it was someone I knew and loved and respected. My whole perspective changed in an instance. Now I normally would say, “I need to talk to them and really let them know how I felt because that’s the best way to handle conflict.” But the double standard here (right or wrong) is that, because I knew the driver and had a relationship with them, I concluded that the conversation was just not worth it. They needed to be given grace… but in that thought-process, I realized that I have not been giving strangers (popular or not) this kind of latitude.
I’m prone to road rage, though my version is quite mild. Sarcasm here, a non-profane (but still spirited) hand gesture of frustration there. But every time, I characterize these people in a split second as dishonorable, selfish, inconsiderate drivers that need to be corrected, and yet – when I accidentally do the same kind of traffic no-no’s, I never hold myself to that standard.
I give myself grace.
You probably do, too.
We all do.
If Facebook is any indication, I feel like we’re living in a world that is largely pessimistic, cynical, and just very critical. I am constantly surprised at the hateful words that are shared and the condemnation of people (I have felt this personally, as well). But I wonder if it’s a product of social media and the perfect storm 2020 has been for attitudes. I also wonder if that same impatience is applied to everywhere to everyone: even our friends and family.
As a parent, I am one of my kids’ harshest critics, but when they mess up, I tend to address their behavior (and maybe the motives behind it), but I would never condemn them. My parents never did that to me. I know my grandparents never did that to them.
Maybe they condemned my behavior but not me or my value as a person.
And so, especially with this upcoming election in mind, I propose a radical idea: we give people (friends and family and celebrities and politicians and yes, even strangers on the road) a blank check on grace. Yes – we can address behavior and condemn it. Yes – we can dislike what people do and their actions, even. But I think we’d be a lot better off as a society if we just got along better and loved people enough to be civil (especially when we argue). And that includes giving people just a little bit more grace.