Out of all the sciences, I think I love the study of sociology. In college, the first time I was exposed to it really set a fire to something I didn’t know I would love.
And yes, I’m going to define it for you: sociology: (n.) the study of the development, structure, and functioning of human society.
One thing I found interesting about this definition was the asterisk below it, reading “the study of social problems.” And I think there’s a hint of opinion in that definition: society has got problems. And one thing that society is starting to lack is approachability.
What is approachability? When a volunteer says to you, “I’m sorry I didn’t come talk to you. I thought you were busy.” that is a lack of approachability. Now we can’t control how people perceive us, but we can do what we can to look like Jesus.
Philippians 2:1-5 says, “So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.”
So what’s changed?
My theory is because of the interpersonal relationships shifting from real-world to social-media, we’ve lost touch with each other. Think about it: from Facebook to Twitter, our society is striving to find some meaning, maybe some entertainment, maybe to find out how cute my kids are — whatever our motives are — and it’s all online. No facial expressions to interpret. No vocal tone to interpret.
Some call it keyboard courage, even, but the way we interact in real life and the way we fight is different online. I mean, behind a screen, we are ferocious, but in reality, we wouldn’t act this way if we were staring at them face-to-face.
I would argue that our approachability has been hampered by the digital age, but that doesn’t mean that we stop fighting for relationships. We have to fight to be just a little bit more self-aware of how others see us. Ken Sande, Relational Wisdom 360 says “An approachable leader makes people feel safe; they know they are welcome to come to you with questions, concerns, or even criticism.” You can read the whole article if you want, but he lays out some characteristics of an approachable leader. Here are just a few:
- Cultivate a Shepherd’s Heart. The sheer busyness of church or ministry work can easily cause leaders to become distracted or aloof, which will send the signal that troubled people should keep their distance.
- See God’s people as he does. One of the most effective antidotes to personal or institutional attitudes that undermine approachability is to cultivate the habit of viewing the members of your church as God does: as people made “in the image of God”
- Send convincing signals that you have time for people. As busy as he was, Jesus had the remarkable ability to send constant signals that he had time for people. The Samaritan woman, the rich young man, Nicodemus, Mary and Martha … all of them sensed that they could ask for his time and not be brushed aside because he was too busy for them. There are many ways to send these kinds of signals. Explicit reassurances of interest and availability need to be reinforced by an unrushed demeanor, relaxed body language, asking questions and patiently listening to answers, and sometimes by pulling out your cell phone and asking your secretary to reschedule an appointment “because something important has come up.”
- Be transparent. People are usually reluctant to share their problems with leaders who seem to have their lives so figured out that they would not be able to relate to someone who is struggling with uncertainty, failure, or sin. But when a leader imitates people like the apostle Paul (see Rom. 7:7-25; 1 Tim. 1:15-17), and talks openly about his own weaknesses and struggles, and God’s redeeming grace, his flock can approach him as a brother who will understand and have compassion on those who are walking a similar road.
- Listen deeply before jumping to problem-solving. People often know what they should do to solve a problem, but sometimes they still need to lay the situation out before someone who will listen compassionately and make them feel that they have been heard and understood. “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” Proverbs 18:13
So there you have it. Now what do you do with it? Ken goes on to say that we should not only be introspective and aware of these things, but to bring accountability into the picture by asking those around us: am I approachable?